


Ron Weasley Must Die

by landofcope27



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, John Tucker Must Die (2006)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, F/F, F/M, Humor, Multi, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Revenge, Ron Weasley Bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landofcope27/pseuds/landofcope27
Summary: Hermione Granger is a new transfer to Hogwarts from Ilvermorny during their 6th year. Ron Weasley's ego has expanded and he thinks that he rules the school. His life is about to be turned upside down when his three girlfriends find out he is cheating on all of them.
Relationships: Dean Thomas/Ginny Weasley, Hannah Abbott/Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ron Weasley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19
Collections: Bisexual Harry Potter, Bisexual Visibility, Focus on Female Characters, Het, Not Straight





	1. Ron Weasley

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own any of the characters of Harry Potter or the plot from John Tucker Must Die.
> 
> This is my first time publishing fanfic and comments or criticisms that are constructive are appreciated. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It was in my first year back at Ilvermorny when I first discovered how invisible I was in the wizarding world. Not that I was any more visible when I was with no-majs but it seemed less significant since usually they could sense I was a little different. After I was sorted into Horned Serpent, I found my one true friend in Lori. She and I were both shy and timid and from no-maj families. We clung to each other to help navigate this new and exciting world that we were now a part of.

Lori had always been beautiful, but it wasn’t until the summer after our 2nd year that boys started to notice how she developed. Everywhere we went that summer boys stopped and stared at Lori. It wasn’t until the start of term that one of them got the courage to ask her out. A pattern of Lori dating a boy, getting her heart broken by them because they were using her purely physically or they cheated on her continued for the next 4 years. It always ended after a few months with us sitting together in our dorm with a Pukwudgie bringing us a load of chocolate frogs and cauldron cakes while we cried and talked about how horrible men were and how we were better off without them; then a week later Lori would come to me giddy at the prospect of another sleaze bag. I really don’t know how she always picked the worst of them.

We both cried when we learned that my parents were planning on moving to England with the opportunity to start their own dental practice, the British really did have some awful teeth, and the knowledge that I would have to transfer to Hogwarts for my last two years of schooling. I say have to, but honestly, the only things about Ilvermorny I would miss were Lori and the professors. Everyone else basically avoided me unless they were chatting me up as a way to get in with Lori.

Anyways, enough with my lowly backstory since this story isn’t even about me. Its about the hot shot of Hogwarts, the Quidditch god, and a founder of Dumbledore’s Army: Ronald Billius Weasley. He now filled out his tall frame under that mop of red that he claims is hair. To say that this newfound fame went to his head would be an understatement.

I remember the first time I had a conversation with Ron, it was the first weekend trip to Hogsmeade. I decided to go to the Three Broomsticks with one of the only students that had been nice to me so far, Padma Patil. She was a Ravenclaw, and although I had been sorted into Gryffindor in a private ceremony with the headmaster when I had first arrived, Padma welcomed me as a friend. We mostly just studied in the library together, but she was nice enough to invite me along with her for the first trip. As it was a Hogsmeade weekend almost all of the tables were full, we found a small one, but it only had one chair at it. The only other table with an available chair was occupied by Ron. Even though I was new I had heard all of the rumors of the Great Battle of the ministry that had taken place earlier that year and was a bit in awe of the man who had battled Death Eaters and lived.

As I approached, Ron looked up with a wide smile, “Hello.”

“Yes… I mean no…are you…” I spluttered, surprised at my own ridiculous reaction.

“Someone should be joining me soon, so sorry that seat is already taken,” Ron chuckled as I backed away and bowed. Wait, did I actually just bow as I left. Ugh, I roll my eyes at myself as I walk back over to Padma. As I turn to lean against the table to tell Padma of the complete idiot, I had made of myself, I see a pretty Hufflepuff girl take the seat next to Ron. Of course, the best friend of the Chosen One has a girlfriend: Hannah Abbott. She was one of the most accomplished Hufflepuffs; prefect, member of the D.A., President of Herbology Club, the new Quidditch announcer, and Co-President of future healers of Britain.

“I’ve decided I’m going to write a children’s book,” Hannah stated as she cozied up next to Ron.

“Merlin, your ambition is so sexy,” Ron stated before planting a kiss on Hannah as he looked around the pub. This was not the cute peck that is appropriate for a busy pub, because I could definitely see tongue from where I was two tables over. Gross.

I ended up not finding a chair and decided to wander around Hogsmeade since it was my first time in this quaint little town. I wanted to soak in as much as I could, taking mental notes of anything of interest that I could look up later in the library. Wherever I went, magical history still continued to fascinate me. When I was getting a little tired of being on my feet, I headed into a small, very feminine looking tea shop, hoping to just get some water and find an open seat to rest my feet, when I spotted him again. Only this time, it was with another girl, Lavender Brown.

“Two Chai Tea Lattes, extra hot,” Ron demands loudly to the barista behind the counter right as Lavender started to place her order.

“I love when you take control,” whispered Lavender looking up at Ron through her long eyelashes.

“I love that you love me taking control,” Ron said in a much deeper tone. “Let us find ourselves a little table in the back, where we can be alone.” Ron grabbed her hand and whisked her away to a dark booth, where I could no longer tell where one of them started and the other ended. I thought I was going to vomit. Two girlfriends. I couldn’t believe I ever had any kind of respect for the guy. I walked out of the tea shop in a huff, forgetting to order and again finding my feet throbbing.

I found a little bench and sat down bundling up to keep warm and cursing myself for not having gotten a cup of tea before leaving the shop. I muttered a warming charm around me and opened the book I was now reading for the second time, Hogwarts a History. While Ilvermorny was an amazing school, it did not have the long and rich history that Hogwarts did. Although I had read this book before I arrived, I constantly found myself returning back to learn more about the ancient school and its founders. I was finishing up the portion about the 1792 Triwizard Tournament when I heard his voice yet again.

“I can’t believe they would sell Sugared Butterfly Wings! What is next Chestnut Roasted Nargles?!”

From where I was sitting, I could see Ron’s fiery red hair storm out of Honeydukes with a petite blonde following after him. The blonde was trying to calm him down, but I was too far away to hear what she was saying. She put a hand on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. The corner of Ron’s mouth turned up in a slight smile when he whispered something back. The blonde giggled in return and took his hand and led him away to a darker alley beside Honeydukes.

Ugh, I guess it is three girlfriends I thought as I heard a moan as I walked quickly by the alley on the way back to Hogwarts. It looked like Hogwarts was filled with the same type of fuck boy wizards that they had met in America. I met up with Padma at the start of the path back to Hogwarts.

“Where have you been?” She asked. “I haven’t seen you since you walked out of the Three Broomsticks.”

“Sorry, I get lost in my explorations sometimes and then I had to keep running into Ron and the three different girls he kept sticking his tongue in.”

“Yeah well, that is Ron for you, ever since last year he has been getting around.”

“Do the girls know that he is cheating on all of them? They seem intelligent and confident. Why would they go for someone like that?” My mind immediately went to Lori and all the idiots she dated. I guess it didn’t matter what continent you were on, a sly charmer could woo anyone.

“Ron over the past year has become a total operator. He dates girls he met in the DA from different houses so that they don’t talk with each other. He then tells them that they have to keep their relationship a secret because if any of the death eaters found out how important they are to him; the death eaters could use that to get to him and Harry. They of course agree to keep it a secret.”

“That is awful, using his celebrity status and Harry like that. How did you learn all of this?”

Padma starts tearing up and getting really quiet, “No reason really, just a guess.” I drop the topic and we spend the rest of the walk back to Hogwarts in silence.


	2. Ancient Runes

The next morning, I went down to the Great Hall for breakfast before heading to the library to start working on a potions essay for Professor Slughorn about the uses and complications for Laughing Potion. After sitting down and getting my plate, I had five minutes of peace before Ron walks into the Hall. He is talking about something with Harry and laughing obnoxiously, I noticed I was not the only one staring. Everyone in the hall had turned to look at the Chosen One and his right-hand man. Harry looked uncomfortable with the Great Hall’s fascination with him, however Ron seemed to soak up all the attention. He waved to people from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and high fived a few guys at the Gryffindor table. He gave a wink to Lavender as he walked by and her eyes lit up and she started giggling to the girl sitting next to her. Ron sat a few seats away from me and started filling his plate with everything on the table. I decide to ignore him and continue on perusing Hogwarts a History while sipping my tea. I didn’t realize that almost twenty minutes went by and rushed to the library. 

On my way to the library I see Luna, a fifth year Ravenclaw, sitting out in the hall with a petition to improve the living conditions for Thestrals on the Hogwarts grounds. I start to make my way over to quickly sign her petition when Ron comes walking down the hall and goes to cozy up next to Luna and kiss her cheek. He bends over and signs her petition before grabbing her ass and walking away, winking at her as he goes. I roll my eyes and continue on to the Library where I can get in 20 minutes of studying before having to head off to Defense Against the Dark Arts. 

Exhausted from another DADA lesson practicing non-verbal spells, I stumbled into the Ancient Runes classroom without much thought until I saw that Professor Dumbledore was standing in the front of the classroom. “Attention students, I am sorry to say that Professor Babbling is out recovering in the Hospital Wing after a heart attack. Madam Pomfrey should have her back in the classroom in a few days, but in the meantime, I will be filling in for her,” there was silence in the classroom as no one had been taught by the headmaster before and we were all a little wary at the prospect, “I have combined the 5th and 6th years so that I can teach all levels for the next week. It seems that Professor Babbling had a new text that she wanted your years to work on. I will assign you to groups of five. I recommend you opening your Spellman’s Syllabary to page 73 to start. Alright, the first group will be: Miss Granger, Miss Abbott, Miss Bones, Miss Lovegood, and Miss Brown,” I swear there was a glint of mischief in Dumbledore’s eyes after he named us and saw us gathering around a table near the back. He continued to name off groups over the sounds of chairs scraping against the floor. 

I want to preface this next part as I was woefully unprepared for the events that were about to unravel. First of all, I have never been in a duel outside of class in my life. Second, I have never gotten detention. 

I sat down between Hannah and Lavender and opened my book to page 73. It appeared we were going to be translating an old fairytale; the kind of story that parents tell their children to scare them into behaving. As the rest of the group was settling in, Susan leaned over to Hannah to engage in idle gossip about the latest Hufflepuff common room party.

“Where were you last night? Ernie was looking all over for you, since you claim to have the best recipe for the perfect combination of firewhiskey and butter beer.” Susan asked while shuffling around in her bag looking for her quill.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone,” Hannah said quietly to Susan. Hannah looked around quickly before whispering, “I was on a date in the Astronomy Tower with Ron Weasley.”

I sensed Lavender’s body tense up before jarring the table suddenly right as Hannah began opening her bottle of ink. Hannah was able to control most of the spill and only a few drops ended up on her robes. 

“Oops, sorry,” muttered Lavender feigning innocence while shooting daggers at Hannah with her eyes.

“No problem, nothing a little Tergeo can’t fix.” Hannah was about to utter the spell to clean herself off when Lavender shot a Finestra spell at Hannah, shattering the remainder of her ink bottle causing it to explode with ink splattering all over Hannah’s face and robes. 

“Bloody fucking hell?!?! What was that for?” Hannah yelled as she stood up to confront Lavender.

“He is mine! Stay away.” Lavender seethed while holding her wand tightly, ready to attack. Hannah similarly held her wand in a defensive position. Luna stood up quickly and got between the two women.

“Come on ladies, peace and love. No guy is worth dueling over.” Luna said looking back and forth between Hannah and Lavender arms outstretched as if willing them to put their wands down.

“Ron Weasley is mine, she needs to stay away from him.” Lavender shouted glaring at Hannah around Luna, almost daring her to make a move against her. 

Out of nowhere, Luna shot slugulus eructo towards Lavender, who reacted rapidly and was barely able to issue a small protego causing the curse to bounce off her shield and hit me straight in the gut. I immediately started vomiting slugs but between the sounds of gagging and retching was able to hear the rest of the fight.

“I am dating Ron Weasley.” Luna remarked, her usual dreamy appearance replaced with one of fire and loathing. After this the three girls erupted in a flurry of curses and protegos. The rest of the class ducked under their tables and watched with wide eyes as the Ancient Runes classroom turned into a battleground of the scorned. 

Whilst trying to remember the counter-curse for slugs, I drew my wand precautionarily when a slew of curses came flying towards me. I was able to quickly cast a non-verbal protego. This success would have made me ecstatic, if it weren’t for the constant barrage of slime and slugs pouring from my mouth. I slipped on some slime and still managed to wind up on my ass, nearly missing another curse over the top of my head as I fell. 

I was still vomiting up slug after slug when Professor Dumbledore’s voice rang out over the room, “Enough!” He cast a quick expelliarmus on the group. “Abbott, Lovegood, Brown, and Granger, detention tonight. Meet me back in the classroom at 8 o’clock. You are to sit and work individually on the translation of this story for the rest of the class and I am assigning you and extra 8 inches for each of your essays regarding the translation and the meaning behind the story. I hope that Mr. Weasley was worth fighting over.”

I tried to get Professor Dumbledore’s attention, because clearly, he was mistaken about including me in the detention, I had just been attacked, but as soon as I tried to speak another slug came up. Merlin, this has to be the grossest thing to happen to me. I wished nothing more than to be back at Ilvermorny, completely invisible.

“Miss Granger,” Dumbledore continued turning toward me, “please head to the hospital wing. I am sure Madam Pomfrey will have some treacle tart handy to help ease your predicament.” Dumbledore looked around the room seeming to survey it before he continued, “Miss Weasley, please help escort Miss Granger to the hospital wing.”

“Of course, professor,” a tall redhead emerged from behind one of the tables that had been turned over as a protective barrier. The girl sauntered over to me and reached out a hand to help me up. I tried to grab her hand when another slug came up and I ended up regurgitating it all over her shoes. Even though she made a face, Ginny still managed to get me to my feet. Professor Dumbledore conjured a bucket for me and sent us on our way. 

“I’m sorry my brother’s drama got you involved; he really can be such a prat.” I glanced over to her as we walked down the hall towards the Hospital Wing. She was a few inches taller than me and walked with an air of confidence around her. Her long legs looked tone underneath her stockings, and I felt myself staring for a bit too long. 

“Thanks, I just don’t” commence slug vomit, “understand what these girls see in him. No offense to you, but he…” slug again, “disgusts me.” The bucket was filling up and I thought I was going to vomit more than slugs any minute now. 

“No offense taken, I want to smack him and tell him to take his head out of his arse, but that would really do no good coming from his baby sister.”

I nod in agreement as another slug makes its way up my throat and into the bucket to join its friends. We reach the door of the hospital wing and Ginny turns to leave to head back to Ancient Runes when she makes a 180 turn to face me again and sticks out her hand. 

“I forgot to formally introduce myself earlier, Ginny Weasley.” I reach out to shake her hand quickly before another slug can make an appearance. 

“Hermione Granger, I’m the transfer from Ilvermorny.”

“I know,” Ginny smirked. “Your accent is a dead giveaway. I will see you around Hermione.” She winked and my heart skipped a beat as she turned to continue back to class.


	3. Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione gets to know Ginny a little better before detention with Lavender, Luna, and Hannah.

After a large dose of treacle tart, the slugs finally stopped coming up and Madam Pomfrey gave me the okay to return to the common room with a warning to avoid duels in the future. I was able to head up to my dorm and shower quickly washing all of the slime off me and changing into a new set of robes before running down to the Great Hall for a quick dinner before having to head off for my first detention ever. As I walked down the stairs, I saw Harry sitting in a corner, head buried in his potions textbook and Ron having a quiet conversation with Lavender on the couch. From the look on her face it looked as if she might be telling him off, but by the time I stumbled out of the portrait hole she was already back in his arms giggling. 

As I was heading down the first flight of stairs, watching out for the trick step that had already gotten me a few times, I swear this place is built like a death trap, I heard someone shout my name.

“Hermione! Hey! Wait up!” I turned and saw Ginny rushing down the steps, gracefully hopping over the trick step and catching up with me. “Are you heading down to dinner?”

“Yeah, I thought I would grab something before detention started.”

“Great, I’ll come with you, it was starting to become suffocating in there,” her eye roll adding to the disdain in her voice, “If I have to hear Lavender say Won-Won one more time, I might have to bat bogey her,” Ginny started laughing, “Now that would be a sight to see.” I smile and make a mental note to never get on Ginny’s bad side. “So how are you liking Hogwarts so far?” Ginny continued, “How do we compare to Ilvermorny?”

“Hogwarts is alright, I guess. The professors are very knowledgeable, and it is an honor to learn under Headmaster Dumbledore. Hogwarts also has an amazing magical history; it is much more intricate than Ilvermorny. It does seem like accidents and tragedies are more likely to happen here though.” I reply.

“That is a very accurate analysis, Miss Granger, exceedingly thorough” Ginny chuckled through her sarcasm before becoming more serious. “You do have to keep your eyes out. My first year here I didn’t have many friends and ended up being possessed by a diary. Magic can be fantastic and exciting, but I think it is important to remember the lengths some witches and wizards take it too,” the humor had gone completely out of her voice and we walked a few steps in silence. 

“Ginny, that sounds terrible, that should never happen to a child,” I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder. She turned to me and nodded with a half-smile that didn’t meet her eyes. I wanted to take her hand or give her a hug. 

However, before I could figure out which was more appropriate, a boy came out of nowhere, curled his arms around Ginny and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, beautiful.” 

“Hello Dean,” I hoped I hadn’t imagined the sound of indifference in her voice as she greeted him. “This is Hermione. Have you met?”

“I’ve seen you in a few classes, you are the new transfer, right?”

“Yes, I transferred from Ilvermorny this year,” I tried to keep my voice even, though the sight of his arm around Ginny did not sit well with me. Dean turned Ginny in closer to him and started talking. I waved briefly before heading into the Great Hall. I hurried to the table trying to press down the surge of jealousy that overtook me.

After dinner I made my way up to the Ancient Runes classroom. I arrived outside the classroom twenty minutes early due to being forced to see Dean and Ginny cozied up together in the middle of Gryffindor table. I was standing outside the classroom reading through a new book I got from the library on the history of healing spells and potions when I saw Hannah strolling down the hall from the direction of the kitchens. She had a smile on her face and seemed to be somewhere off in the distance. If she saw me, she made no indication of acknowledging my presence and went to the other side of the hall to lean against a wall. Lavender and Luna trickled in shortly after Hannah appeared and Dumbledore ushered us into the classroom. The three girls occupied a table at the front while I sat at the one directly behind them, not knowing if I would be welcome at theirs. 

“For tonight’s detention, I thought it appropriate that it would have some educational benefit. I will write four statements up here in ancient runes and you will need to translate the lines and write them on this parchment,” with a flick of his wand we each had a 12-inch-long parchment appear in front of us. “If you make a mistake the lines that you had written before will erase and you will have to start over again.” Dumbledore smiled and wrote the runes on a blackboard he conjured over from the side of the room. Dumbledore turned to leave, but before he left, he added, “no talking, this is meant to be a solitary task. I will be right back after a quick meeting with the heads of houses.” With a half-crooked smile on his lips Dumbledore left the room.

I bent down to get my quill, ink, and Spellman’s Syllabary from by bag when Lavender immediately started talking, ignoring Dumbledore’s direct order.

“So, I talked with Ron in the common room,” Lavender flipped her hair over her shoulder as she spoke. “He was sweet, he felt bad for you. He said that you were jealous because we share something special, something that we don’t have to label because it’s…”

“Our unspoken bond,” Luna interrupted her voice dripping with anger. “And I just love how secure you are,”

“And it hurts me to hear you question it,” Hannah interjected, her eyes wide as she completed the speech, she had heard only a few hours previously. 

“Because you are the only girl for me!” The three girls shouted in unison and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as the three of them realized just how much they had been played.

“Merlin’s saggy balls, he said the same thing to all of us!” Lavender exclaimed. 

Luna sighed, “It figures. He makes up with us and then he hooks up with us and then”

“You guys hooked up?” Hannah interjected leaning in towards Luna. 

Luna’s dreamy disposition came back for a second as she responded, “Ron and I share something special.”

“What that you both have been in your robes?” Hannah’s voice dripping with judgement. 

“We share an outlook on life that defies listening to only what the ministry and our education tells us is real.” Luna added looking pointedly at Hannah.

“Slut,” Lavender coughed as she opened her book.

“Oh nice, Lavender as if the whole school doesn’t know what goes on when you show boys the wonders of Divination in the North Tower.” Luna jabbed back at Lavender. 

“You too?” Hannah says exasperated throwing her hands on the table.

“Look, Ron and I belong together,” Lavender said shrugging her shoulders as if this should be common knowledge. “We are both from long standing pure blood Gryffindor families and I am his loudest supporter at all Quidditch matches.”

“Excuse me, have you seen my Gryffindor Lion headdress,” Luna interjected.

“Ugh,” Hannah rolled her eyes. “As if Ron would be able to take either of you seriously.”

“Do not lump me in with this, princess,” Luna quickly said looking at Hannah.

“So now you are superior to me,” Lavender stated death glaring Luna. 

“Shut up!” I yelled. During this whole conversation I was trying to translate the first line that was written on the board in front of us. I had finished the first line but kept messing up the last rune and would have to restart all over again. It was highly irritating. I think I had to have rolled my eyes at least ten times listening to the three of them bickering. I don’t know why I said it, but my brain could just not take them fighting over a stupid boy any longer. 

All three of them turned to look at me after my sudden exclamation with mutterings of “What did you say?” and “excuse me!”

“Sorry, sorry,” I quickly stammer overwhelmed with the amount of anger that was suddenly aimed in my direction. 

“Do you have something to say?” Lavender states gesturing with her hand as if to say get on with it. 

“Um, no, no it’s none of my business,” I reply avoiding eye contact.

“What?” Luna asks again not letting me get back to the translation.

I figure why not I didn’t really have much to lose at this point and I hate the idea of these girls being continually played by Ron. “Let me guess, he always uses pet names like love or baby.” I could see them start to squirm. “Yeah, it’s not out of affection or love, it is so he doesn’t mix up your names.” Luna and Lavender sunk back in their chairs as my words resonated with them. I continued hoping to help get them out of the cycle. “He is all about an unspoken bond or a connection of your magical energies but never about an actual relationship.” Hannah looked distraught. “And the whole secret arrangement was your idea so you feel guilty that he cheated,” I ended my voice becoming stronger throughout as the three women in front of me soaked in my words. 

“Bloody hell, you are dating Ron too,” Lavender stated dropping her quill onto the table. 

“No, um, no,” I stammer quickly, “I just knew a few guys like him.” I think of Lori and how many times I should have given her a similar talk but had been too worried about losing my only friend. 

“She is right,” Hannah conceded. “He is always making me feel guilty.” Lavender and Luna nodded their heads in agreement. 

I continue hoping my courage doesn’t run out, “It seems to me that if a guy ever treats you like that you should,”

“You should break up with him. Of course, blah, blah, blah,” Lavender cut me off before I could finish.

“Ron would have another girlfriend in a second,” Luna added, “and the cycle would just continue.”

“No, I didn’t say break up,” making it clear that they got my intentions wrong, “you should get even.”

“Who are you?” Lavender asked with a confused look. Apparently, she hadn’t notice me staying in her dorm for the past few weeks. 

“I know,” Luna stated. “You are the girl who we wrote about in the quibbler last week. You time travelled from an alternate dimension.”

“No, I,” I try to introduce myself before Luna interrupts me again.

“You must be one of the dragons that can take human form and infiltrate the wizarding community.”

“No, my name is,” Dumbledore chose that exact moment to enter back into the Ancient Runes classroom.

“I thought I said no talking Miss Granger,” Dumbledore strolled over to take his seat behind the large mahogany desk in front of the classroom. 

“Sorry, Professor,” I mumble before turning back to my translation. The rest of the room is silent and only the sound of quills can be heard for the remainder of detention.


	4. The Plan

The next morning, I got an owl from Lori. She recounted her most recent affair with a boy a year older in Wampus. There was far too much detail of how he had made her see Merlin the last time she came, so I hurried over those details, scanning until things became PG once again. I would write Lori back tonight to tell her about my detention and the manwhore, Ron Weasley. 

The day continued. Charms was uneventful: I was able to master the knitting charm verbally and then non-verbally. Throughout double potions, I glared over my shoulder at Ron in the back row. The class was made better by his completely horrid display of what he claimed was dreamless sleep. At least the ladies’ man had one flaw. 

By the time I had gotten back to my dorm in Gryffindor tower and had changed into my pajamas, it was nearly 10 o’clock. I was settling into bed when Lavender stormed into the room. “Hermione, right,” she said more of a statement than a question. “You are coming with me.”

Before I could retort, she grabbed my hand and pulled me down the stairs, through the common room and out the portrait hole. She finally let go of my wrist after the first flight of stairs as I almost tripped and took her down with me, but she kept looking back to make sure I was following her. I was intrigued as to why the girl suddenly knew my name after completely ignoring my presence in our joint room for a month and the urgency with which she walked. We ended up in an abandoned classroom where Luna and Hannah were both lounging on desks waiting for us to arrive.

“Finally!” Hannah said as Lavender walked up to them and sat down, rolling her eyes at Hannah. 

“What is going on?” I asked confused as to why I was being included in a group with three of the most popular girls at Hogwarts. 

“We want your help to bring down Ron Weasley.” Hannah said matter of fact as she sat down and brought out a diary, quill, and ink, ready to take notes as if a lecture was about to begin. 

“I don’t even know him,” I replied. How I could help bring down half of Hogwarts’ infamous dynamic duo? 

“So, you do not know anyone here at Hogwarts,” Luna pointed out while twirling a piece of her long blond hair around her wand. I had to admit she had a point, I only had a few conversations with Padma and Ginny.

“Hermione,” Hannah stated: taking charge and bringing me out of my thoughts that seemed to linger on Ginny, “if we tried to do this alone, we would end up hexing each other to bits. You brought us together in detention and showed us that we have one thing in common...”

“We all want to kill Ron Weasley.” Lavender finished, crossing her arms over her chest emphasizing her cleavage. Luna and Hannah nodded in agreement. 

With all three of them staring intently and expectantly, “Wow,” was all I could say. I couldn’t help but feel that I had become a leader of a small army that could easily take down anything in its path. “Okay, um...”

Hannah, taking this utterance as accepting their proposition, jumped up and took out her wand, conjuring a blackboard to the front of the room. With a quick swish of her wand, the chalk that came with the blackboard rose and started drawing a life like Ron Weasley. The drawing had a smirk and would look between the three girls winking at each one individually. Hannah set up near the board notebook, quill and wand at the ready. After she was done setting up her station, she turned to me and gestured towards the blackboard. “Take it away Hermione.”

Frazzled, I start walking towards the blackboard. On my way to the front I think of all of the horrible boys Lori has dated. I looked at each girl as I passed by as if analyzing them. Once I reached the board, I came to the conclusion that I could view this as a science experiment into the psychology and sociology of fuckboys. My brain started to ignite as I condense my thoughts and theories and begin to formulate a plan. “So, I think a good place to start is with what initially attracted you to Ron?”

“Excellent Hermione,” Hannah immediately interjected. “I like where you are going with this. We need to figure out how to define Ron. He is a quidditch star and best friend of the Chosen One. He is seemingly untouchable, but what makes him tick? What gets under his skin? What is it about him that makes him so appealing?” At this point I move to the side and sit at an open desk. It seems like Hannah only wanted to portray the illusion that someone else was in charge. I make a mental note of her controlling nature. “Is it his smile? Is it his charm? Is it his keeper’s body? What is it ladies? Dig deep here.” She punctuated her point by banging her hand on the desk in front of her.

“It is everything,” Luna answered. “It is his eyes, his smile, his lips, the way he holds you tight as if every horrible thing in the world is distant and you are safe. The way his body molds perfectly to yours when you are close,”

“We all know what happens when you are pressed up together and close,” Lavender uttered rolling her eyes.

“That is not what I meant!” Luna retorted. 

“Ladies, let’s save it for Ron. That is who should feel our fury,” Hannah stated taking control of the room yet again. “Let us get back on track. We all agree that he is fit.”

“Yes, but what do we do about that?” Luna posed the question to the group.

“Well in the Gryffindor Quidditch Ultra Group, we always come up with ways of undermining the other houses. Coming up with chants that undermine their confidence and point out their weaknesses, making them feel inadequate,” Lavender answered.

“I don’t think this is a case for ‘Q-U-I-D, D-I-T-C-H, Gryffindor is here to put you in your place’,” Luna replied. 

“Shut up!” Lavender retorted.

“Lavender, as much as I hate saying this, you have a point,” Hannah conceded. She began to scribble away in her diary, quill moving at a furious pace.

“Right,” I stated trying to get us back on topic as an idea came to me, “and since Ron prides himself on always having a date and women around, to get even with a guy like that, you make him, undatable.”

“Yes,” Hannah agreed as she wrote another quick note and then flicked her wand quickly. Bright red chalk quickly wrote “Undatable”in red above Ron’s head. “We are going to destroy everything that is Ron Weasley!” Another quick flick of her wand and the red lettering destroyed the drawing of Ron underneath it. 

“I think I have an idea,” Luna rose up and headed to the board. We spent the rest of the night brainstorming and working out the details of phase one in the plan of taking down Ron Weasley. 

Over the next two days, Luna began to put phase one of the plan into action. By Saturday she was able to convince one of the photographers that her father used with the Quibbler to make a trip up to Hogwarts. Ron took significantly less convincing to initiate the plan. He was all too thrilled when Luna mentioned that one of her father’s photographers was looking to add some new wizard models to his catalog. The photographer met Luna and Ron by the edge of the forbidden forest. The photographer told Ron that he would be modelling the latest broomstick and that this editorial would be found in the next edition of Witch Weekly. Luna convinced Ron to take off his shirt with some mild flirting and batting of her eyelashes. He posed with the broom and even did a few laps around the forest. The eccentric photographer barked instructions, and Ron obeyed every one of them flawlessly. 

Phase two would rely on Hannah and her ability to magically alter the images. The girls spent a late night in an empty classroom helping Hannah perfect her final photoshops while filling each other in on the latest gossip, the only activity that the four girls could do without it turning into a fight. 

“Did you hear that Dean Thomas and Ginny had a huge fight in the middle of the Gryffindor common room?” Lavender said as she popped Pumpkin Pasty into her mouth. My head turned around so fast that I almost fell off my chair. 

“Really?” I asked, trying to not sound too excited.

“Yeah, she told him to give her some space and then stormed up to her dormitory leaving Dean there gaping up after her,” Lavender added, excited to have a captive audience.

Luna gave me a puzzled look before whispering, “I think Ginny is going to break up with him. She has been miserable for weeks.” 

The room got quieter as the gossip session came to a close. We ended the night ready to implement the final stage of our plan tomorrow morning.


End file.
